


Take Me Out To The Vulcan

by periferal



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Baseball, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Inspired by a DS9 episode, New Vulcan, Vulcans Playing Baseball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 15:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11946846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periferal/pseuds/periferal
Summary: Take me out to the ballgame,Take me out to the crowd,Buy me some peanuts and cracker-jacksI don't care if I ever get backSo let's root, root rootFor the Sehlets,If they don't win it's a shame.For it's one, two, three strikes you're outIn the old ball game.Or: Kirk is asked to engage in an opening ritual for a rec area on New Vulcan





	Take Me Out To The Vulcan

**Author's Note:**

> How do the Vulcans in the DS9 episode "Take Me Out to the Holosuite" know how to play baseball so well?  
> Obviously, there's a baseball culture on Vulcan.
> 
> This came out of that headcanon.

The Enterprise was in orbit around New Vulcan. Technically, it was unnecessary for Starfleet’s flagship to help with the rebuilding efforts, but Spock had felt it was his duty to help his people, and Jim wasn’t exactly about to let his First Officer go anywhere without him. 

Said rebuilding had gone even better than anyone had hoped—not that Vulcans would admit to hoping for anything—and the Enterprise, and her crew, would be leaving in only a few days, barring sudden, unpredictable disaster. 

Jim watched the planet through the main view screen of the bridge. He still couldn’t imagine the collective grief, compounded by Vulcan telepathy, that these people were feeling at the loss of their home. 

He was broken from his thoughts by Uhura. “Captain,” she said, “I’m getting a message from someone in the High Command.”

“Put it on screen,” Kirk said. This was unexpected. 

“Captain Kirk.” The person on screen was a woman named T’Klass whom Kirk recognized. She had been put in charge of the Vulcan equivalent of public works. 

“T’Klass,” Kirk said, making the salute. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“As the Captain of the Federation Starship instrumental both in the creation of this new home, and in the destruction of he who destroyed our old world, I request that you join us in the opening ceremony of the new public recreation park.”

“Of… of course. Can I ask what this ceremony entails?” Kirk asked. These were Vulcans, so it probably wouldn’t be an accidental marriage, but by this point Kirk had learned some caution when it came to alien ceremonies he wasn’t familiar with.

T’Klass sighed. “I suppose you humans would call it a game, but we consider it to be an important means of both athletic and intellectual recreation.”

“It’s going to be a weird sex thing, isn’t it,” Bones stage whispered. He wasn’t technically supposed to be on the bridge, but that had never stopped him before.

“Hush,” Kirk said. “They’re Vulcans.”

Bones “hmphed,” and didn’t say anything else. 

“Apologies for my CMO, T’Klass.”

“If you are finished, I will answer your question,” she said. She did not look amused. Then again, Spock was the only Vulcan whose emotions Kirk could read accurately most of the time. 

“Yes, thank you,” Kirk said. 

“You will be throwing the first pitch.”

Kirk had to cover his mouth to stifle a laugh. “I’m sorry—the translator must be broken, it sounded for a moment there like you were talking about an Earth sport.”

“I assure you, Captain, my translator is fully functional. And although this ‘sport’ is of Terran origin, on Vulcan it is far more organized.”

Kirk blinked. “Ah—I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware Vulcans played baseball.”

He turned to look at Spock. “I never felt it was necessary to inform you,” his First Officer said. 

“Okay,” Kirk said. He turned back to the view screen. “I would be honored,” he said. “What time?”

“1900 Standard Time tomorrow,” T’Klass said. “

Did Vulcan have baseball leagues? Did Vulcan have whole rosters of dead ball players? Now there was a grim thought. But seriously, why were Vulcans playing baseball?

Kirk had played baseball as a kid. He’d played any sport he could get his hands on, if only to get out of the house. But no one took it seriously on Earth.

At least, he considered, the ancient Earth sport wasn’t football. That would have been too much cognitive dissonance for him to handle. 

“Alright,” Kirk said. “You’ll give me the location?”

“Yes,” T’Klass said. “Captain, wear your dress uniform.” She cut the connection. 

“Well, then,” Kirk said. He turned to look at Bones. “How about that?”

“I certainly wasn’t expecting it, Jim, that’s for sure,” he said. “Always thought it was a shame there isn’t a major league on Earth anymore.”

“My mother used to complain about this fact to my father,” Spock said. “I never understood why. It seems most illogical.” Was he joking? He probably wasn’t joking. 

“War, mostly, I think,” Bones said. “Lack of appreciation for a damn fine game.”

“Why, gentlemen, did you just agree on something?”

Bones glared at Spock, before turning it on Kirk. “Don’t you start,” he said.

\--

The next day, Kirk found himself looking up ancient footage of 20th and 21st century baseball players, mostly from the United States but also from Japan and a few other countries. 

This wasn’t necessary, of course. The first pitch didn’t have to be anywhere near good. Though, of course, that was for games played by humans. 

For all he knew, the first pitch as played by Vulcans would count as the actual first pitch of the game. 

“Definitely not what you expect,” Bones said, over a lunch of deeply unsatisfying fabricated rations. “Vulcans playing baseball I mean. Possibly sports in general.”

“Logic dictates that taking care of one’s body is as important as intellectual pursuit,” Spock said, doing that thing where he appeared at Bones’s shoulder whenever he was tangentially being spoken of. “To play baseball effectively, a player must have good hand-eye coordination, running ability, judgement, and other kinds of athleticism. For that reason, it is encouraged that most young Vulcans at least play a few seasons, though most do not pursue it as a career.”

“I’m surprised you have it professionally, though,” Bones said. “That, at least, doesn’t sound terribly logical.”

Spock sighed. “It would be illogical to waste the talents of those who show extreme proficiency in the sport, I believe is the generally accepted belief on the matter.”

“That, or you’re just the most Vulcan Vulcan to ever Vulcan and most have smaller sticks up their asses,” Bones said.

Kirk gave him a pained look. Spock didn’t react at all, which was probably more infuriating than anything else to Bones. 

“I was going to ask you, Spock,” Kirk said, “is the first pitch an actual pitch in the game?”

Spock shook his head. “No,” he said. “It is a formality, a means of marking the end of the opening ceremony and the start of the game.”

“Huh,” Kirk said.

\--

At 1830, Kirk found himself standing in an honest to god baseball diamond in his dress uniform. Well, not in it, that part was for later, but he was standing in the dugout of one of the teams, talking to a Vulcan woman with short, black hair and dark skin. 

“You guys are the Sehlets?” he asked. 

“Yes,” she said. “And this is our home field.”

Something he had realized, over the course of the last few hours, was that whoever the Vulcans were who had originally brought baseball to the planet, they had not changed any of the terminology. Which was mostly fine, but had caused him to hear Spock refer to something as “the bullpen” without a hint of irony.

“And the other team are the Blood Wings?”

“Yes. Their stadium has yet to be constructed. I believe that they are officially based out of a settlement somewhat South of our location.”  
Kirk nodded. 

“Is there anything you want me to do until the festivities start?” 

The woman’s expression did not change as she said, “Nothing particularly. Joining in the singing, perhaps, although that is, of course, never mandatory.”

“Excuse me, what?” Kirk asked. This was something he was going to ask a lot. 

“The singing,” the woman repeated, as though Kirk were a particularly dull child. “It is tradition.”

She wasn’t kidding, either, not that Vulcans kidded.

His translator didn’t bother telling him what the song meant, which meant metaphors upon metaphors, probably, but it was catchy, so Kirk found himself mouthing along anyway.

The actual pitching part went by faster than he expected. It was a hot day—New Vulcan was similar to the old one in that regard—and he was in his full dress blues, and he was not as good in front of crowds and most people believed. 

Thankfully, in their obsession with sticking to the original ritual of the game, the ceremonial first pitch did not actually count as a proper first pitch in game. This was for the best, because it was only barely was in reach of the catcher. 

After all that was over, and as soon as he could, Kirk went and found where Spock was sitting. This would possibly insult whoever’s fancy seat he had possibly been given, but he was a human, and these were Vulcans. He knew from experience that it was impossible for him not to offend at least one person.

To his surprise, Bones was sitting one seat away from Spock, deep in conversation with him. “Hey, Jim,” Bones said. “Did you know this guy—” he jerked his thumb in Spock’s direction, “has a damn near encyclopedic knowledge of 20/21st century Earth baseball? Who would have guessed.”

“I have told Dr. McCoy that he can consult the ship’s computer whenever he so desires,” Spock said. “He does not need to ‘quiz’ me.”

“It’s funny, because it’s unexpected,” Bones said. “He’s refusing to tell me why.”

“My mother was also a fan,” Spock said. Bones glared at him. “You did not actually ask, you merely mused aloud.”

“That’s the same thing as asking, you weirdo,” Bones said.

Kirk sat between them. 

The uniforms of the two teams were distinct enough that Jim could tell him apart, but he was not attached enough to either the Sehlets or the BloodWings to know

whom to cheer for. 

He opted to go with the crowd, which was rowdier and more enthusiastic than he would have originally expected. 

This was turning out to be a decent end to this trip. 

Even if Bones was drunkenly singing an unfunny version of “Take Me Out To the Ballgame” in Spock’s face.  
  



End file.
